[ERKU] Inbox

[canceller]

"You've reached the inbox of Jeremiah Gottwald. I'm unavailable at the moment,
but leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thank you."

TEXT - AUDIO - EMAIL - VIDEO

un: orange

Comments

[canceller]

"Unfortunately?" That's a little harsh.

[Now he's just being mean. As far as sleights against him go, this is pretty mild now that his surprise has faded. Jeremiah hasn't reopened it for any reason yet, but he does now. Feels kind of weird looking at it knowing it's Suzaku's. Weird in a way that maybe shouldn't be weird when he's had it inside of him, really.]

It's not bad.

[711]

[W-wait. Not bad? That's– not the harsh rebuking Suzaku was steeling himself to receive, but okay. He'll take it?!]

I'm a little surprised. I didn't think you'd ever want to see it again.

[Surprised is an understatement. Not bad, huh? Gosh, now Suzaku's blushing and it's all Jeremiah's fault, how dare.]

[canceller]

[Now he's turning a little pink. Humorous or not, he wasn't just saying it to say something, he realizes.]

Is that the impression you walked away with, after our last conversation?

[711]

Not really, but I was drunk for most of it.

[And he had to be, otherwise that conversation would've been borderline unbearable. Would've had Suzaku shaking when the topic took a deep but not altogether unpleasant turn. Hell, he could use a drink right now.]

Then... are you saying you do want to see it again?

[canceller]

[So was he, but not so much as to blur things, his own intent. He'd meant the things he'd said. As he does now, which is why he struggles to find the right words.]

I figured it was on the table.

We did kiss. Forgive me if I've been presumptuous, but those rarely aren't an invitation for more in this place.

[Or maybe he's just had sex with nearly everyone he's locked lips with.]

[711]

If I'm being honest, I had to stop myself, at that time.

[The inevitable second half of that explanation takes a good few minutes to make its way over to Jeremiah for all the handwringing Suzaku does prior to sending it off. He's more red in the face than is typical for him, but for one reason or another, it's almost always Jeremiah who coaxes such self-awareness out of Suzaku.]

If I hadn't, I would've kept pushing. I didn't want to risk repeating what happened before.

[canceller]

I do appreciate that. However after what we had discussed, I also believe you would have stopped, had I told you to. It wouldn't have necessarily gone the same way, at all.

[711]

No, you're right. Had you told me to stop at any point, I would have, but... at that time, I don't think I could've gone that far without losing my cool.

[Which begs the question: what does Suzaku mean by losing his cool? As it is, that's a rather vague statement.]

[canceller]

[Vague enough to make him wonder. Sorry, you're stuck in this with a curious extrovert who's entitled to answers.]

How so?

[711]

[How so, you ask? WELL JERRY BOY, LET HIM TELL YOU.]

I felt like I was going to start crying.

[well, aren't you glad you asked]

[canceller]

[Oh.]

I can understand that. It was a heavy afternoon for both of us.

[711]

It's not that. When I get close to you, I remember what I did and start shaking and feeling anxious. I didn't want to end up in tears and embarrass us both.

[Oh. They've gone from accidental dick pics to heavy conversation, who could've expected this?]

[canceller]

There's nothing embarrassing about that. You feel remorse, so you react.

[So strongly, though? Why does that make him worry? What is it that he still needs to hear?

Why would it ever just be about dick pics?]

You can't break me. You didn't then, so you won't now. I can't stop you from feeling how you do about it, but you don't need to be afraid of yourself. I'm not.

[711]

[It'd be hard to break a man with a metal ass, but this is Suzaku. Suzaku can break anything.]

You're a very kind man, Jeremiah.

[Kinder than I deserve goes unspoken. Suzaku does deserve kindness, doesn't he? He realizes that now. He's learned this now.]

Can I ask you something? It's about that time in the hangar.

[canceller]

[He's ready to whip out a try me at a moment's notice, even if the tone doesn't call for it at all.]

Yes, you may.

[711]

[AHEMS LOUDLY IN THE DISTANCE]

You didn't seem to entirely hate what I was doing to you. Why is that?

[canceller]

[They didn't talk about it in this capacity last time. Obviously there was the layer of aphrodisiac deeply swaying his desire to resist, but even Suzaku could tell beyond that.

Careful what you wish for, Orange boy.]

I enjoy pain sometimes. Physical force as well.

[711]

[Bruh, same hat??? It's a good few minutes before Suzaku's reply comes, but let it be known that he sat there, phone in hand, and struggled to come up with one.]

I understand. I'm the same way.

[😳]

[canceller]

[... It's not the response he expected.]

I see.

[Why does this feel like dangerous information to have?]

It's not terribly uncommon, so I suppose that's not surprising.

[711]

I wouldn't call your reaction "terribly uncommon."

[Called the fuck out. One masochist recognizes another.]

What I did to you wasn't appropriate, but if there are portions of it that you enjoyed, I wouldn't mind trying those things with you again.

If you'd like to.

[Translation: ey jerry u want sum fuk]

For the time being, I'm curious to know what all we have in common. It's an easier conversation to have over text than it is to have face to face, I think.

[canceller]

... No, perhaps not to that degree.

[But he had enjoyed those parts, even in ways beyond simple pain and physicality that make his stomach twist up, thinking maybe he shouldn't but knows he still does. They've clung to the corners of his mind, acknowledged at times but not yet accepted. When it's asked for, invited in, doesn't that change everything?]

I would be open to discussing that.

[And here's where he has to re-do his message several times over. Jeremiah's not sure where the root cause of this discomfort sits, still.]

However, would it not be more comfortable to explore this with a partner closer in age?

[711]

Does my age concern you that much?

[canceller]

[Jeremiah stares at what he ultimately landed on, and cringes a little.]

Less than I may have implied. I've just never been the older party in these situations prior to my time here. It's unfamiliar.

[711]

[Expose your neck and Suzaku will go for the jugular. Whatever doubts Suzaku can ease will be eased. The others will be dealt with in time.]

Most of my experience comes from people around your age. If it helps, this won't be unfamiliar territory for me.

[As if that would help.]

[canceller]

[Actually...] Well, it's relevant.

If I may ask, is it a matter of preference, or just happenstance?