"You've reached the inbox of Jeremiah Gottwald. I'm unavailable at the moment, but leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thank you."
[It's personal on another front, if anything, not that she'd exactly anticipate as much. Jeremiah could half-explain it and she may not pry. But then again, he doesn't really like doing anything by halves.
Being tipsy on a rather capricious evening may have a hand in it, too.]
I had requested to send a letter home, to Anya. It would put my mind at ease, assuming time has continued to pass there and I've simply been... absent.
[Well. That's. That's absolutely not what she was expecting. Not that she had anything particular in mind, of course, but rather that it's surprising enough that she knows she would never have guessed.
[He nearly laughs at himself, realizing how long he'd taken to mention it, not even in passing. It's really been one of those anomalies where his heart remains largely closed off. Even now, part of him aches.]
Ah, yes. Not long after... everything, she came into my ward. Most of her family was at Pendragon.
[There's so much more to mention that Jeremiah can't think of where he could start, save the reason why he'd been the one to step in. The second he thinks of mentioning Geass, the thread of their shared idolatry at once comes to mind, and it nearly stops him physically in his tracks. Jeremiah knows he'll tell Cornelia someday, but even he doesn't think he has the full picture of what happened to Lady Marianne anymore. The thread he could follow to learn, however, only fills him with dread.
So he lies. By omission, the only way he's any good at it, but a lie nonetheless.]
Her memories had been overwritten by Geass. Many times, for years, to the point that she couldn't trust her own recollection of things. She took photographs to compensate.
[Neatly enough, it brings him to his point, his chest heavy as lead.] For her, I may have simply... disappeared without a trace. I hate the thought that our time together could feel just as much like a fabrication when she'd finally reached more stability in her life.
[Anya was only with her and Schneizel for a short while, but it was more than enough time for Cornelia to notice how much time she spent on her phone, how many pictures she took, how monotone she could be at times as though parts of her were incomplete. She never thought to ask because she didn't think she'd get any answers; now, however, she wonders if she should have tried reaching out.]
That poor girl...
[She's silent for a bit afterwards, not sure which direction to take the conversation – towards Geass or towards Jeremiah – but there's nothing she can do about the former here and she suspects that trying to dig deeper into that mess will only result in them both slipping into darker moods. A chance she doesn't really want to take while they're already peering into the abyss.]
Did I disappear? Did Kururugi? We're both from an earlier point in time than you are.
[Jeremiah just nods in response to her inquiry, sighing. It doesn't pain him as harshly, but when he has to explain the situation, it all comes into such uncomfortable focus just how fucked up it is. It's not something he'd wish upon a stranger, much less someone who's become so precious to him. It's also something he can push back out of his thoughts readily enough, used to it as he is.
The silence they're left with is heavy, but not exactly uncomfortable. When Cornelia speaks again, he takes a moment longer still to reply.]
Not as far as I'm aware. [Sometimes he felt like being sequestered to rural France was the same as living under a rock, but they were both present at the wedding.] I admit, I actually hadn't thought of it that way.
[Doing so does lighten his expression, easing the knit of his brow, at least. The loops in time may not close themselves perfectly, but a gap no longer seems like an inevitability. Assuming he does ever escape this place, anyway.]
[In before they learn that alternate realities are possible and they have to confront the whole "did we just create a new reality by coming here" issue.]
Regardless of the truth, I'm sorry that you were taken from her. It's not easy.
[The words being alone might have completed that thought if she was a more open person, but instead she keeps that part of things to herself. But without Euphy, without Darlton, without Guilford, without Schneizel, without any of the people or the places or the systems within which she once found comfort, she is a little lost, too, and ill-equipped to figure out how to create a community among people who may be familiar but who aren't really a part of her world.]
[Hopefully not, because y i k e s. Jerry might lose his head for real.
There's a certain admission to weakness that keeps Jeremiah quiet, at first. He has every reason to do this for Anya's sake, and no matter what's occurring back home, he surely has to return to her at some point or another. But the urgency he feels, the stubborn fixation of his thoughts comes from more than that.]
No, it isn't. To be honest, no matter the situation, it... it is reassurance I think I need for myself just as much.
[Jeremiah simply misses her, terribly, horribly. His unwavering brand of devotion was never only reserved for the royal family, attached to a few members of his own, among which he now counts Anya, easily. Of course it pains him, even as his tone remains stiff for a topic this sensitive.]
Should this request succeed, I should hope that others can find peace of mind as well.
[Which may include Cornelia, but he's cautious to suggest it. No matter her demeanor, Jeremiah wouldn't think she doesn't have people she misses, but it's for similar reasons that he doesn't pry.]
[Oh, she has people she misses. People she doesn't know whether they're alive or dead. People who she hasn't seen since she left Pendragon for Japan an entire lifetime ago. A little sister she barely knows, an elder brother with whom to make amends, a knight who burst into tears when finally they were reunited. The list goes on and on and on.
And yet right now, she's really only thinking about the person she can't reach out to, the one who won't be there waiting for her, whose face she'll never see again, whose voice she'll never hear again, whose hugs and whose laughter and whose smile are already fading from her memory. She doesn't know whether to clear her mind of such thoughts or to cling to them until they're gone, too.]
What are we doing? Are we improving this mood or humouring it?
[He does it with a smile, but Jeremiah sighs rather heavily all the same.]
That's a good point. I suppose I've just had a lot on my mind.
[And admittedly, she's the safest confidant he has on a matter he's been avoiding but keenly needing perspective on. At least the thoughts are nothing new, not so raw that it drags him to a place he can't come out of.
Looking more pointedly around them, they've made their way further into the city than he'd thought, following by memory rather than counting the blocks.]
[Some moods, after all, are inescapable. Goodness knows they keep yo-yoing back into this one. And that's the problem. Like with so many of the circumstances she faces here, she is simply at a loss for what to do, for which paths to walk and which to avoid. Thus, she clarifies.]
We should chose one or the other and stick with it until it's run its course.
[Another valid point. Cornelia might not have been admonishing, but perhaps Jeremiah had been of himself. Being honest with her on this level is still hard. Sharing his woes evidently isn't so difficult, but allowing himself forgiveness for it takes a more concentrated effort than he'd thought.
So he looks to her briefly, then to the road ahead.]
Which, I'm not sure I can say. I'd been hoping the initial change of scenery would help, but perhaps we won't know until we arrive.
[Bars can often be good mood-changers... and sometimes bad ones, too. At least it takes a pinch more misery and a lot more alcohol to turn him into something like a weepy drunk, so the chances might be looking up.]
[Not that they were delaying or stalling or anything of that sort, but would she really be a member of the imperial family if she didn't phrase things with a little extra dramatic flair? No. No she would not. It's genetic.]
[Jeremiah just hums an acknowledgment. It feels like a placeholder for the "Yes, Your Highness" that he can only think to offer otherwise, but he holds it. Frankly, it's already starting to feel out of place. What is appropriate between them feels up in the air these days, but even with the persistent heaviness dragging at them, he really is glad for her company.
The last few blocks pass without much fanfare. Once they reach the bar, Jeremiah steps forward to the door and opens it for her with a gesture, allowing himself at least this much.]
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no subject
Being tipsy on a rather capricious evening may have a hand in it, too.]
I had requested to send a letter home, to Anya. It would put my mind at ease, assuming time has continued to pass there and I've simply been... absent.
no subject
So forgive her when all she says at first is:]
The Alstreim girl?
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Ah, yes. Not long after... everything, she came into my ward. Most of her family was at Pendragon.
[There's so much more to mention that Jeremiah can't think of where he could start, save the reason why he'd been the one to step in. The second he thinks of mentioning Geass, the thread of their shared idolatry at once comes to mind, and it nearly stops him physically in his tracks. Jeremiah knows he'll tell Cornelia someday, but even he doesn't think he has the full picture of what happened to Lady Marianne anymore. The thread he could follow to learn, however, only fills him with dread.
So he lies. By omission, the only way he's any good at it, but a lie nonetheless.]
Her memories had been overwritten by Geass. Many times, for years, to the point that she couldn't trust her own recollection of things. She took photographs to compensate.
[Neatly enough, it brings him to his point, his chest heavy as lead.] For her, I may have simply... disappeared without a trace. I hate the thought that our time together could feel just as much like a fabrication when she'd finally reached more stability in her life.
no subject
[Anya was only with her and Schneizel for a short while, but it was more than enough time for Cornelia to notice how much time she spent on her phone, how many pictures she took, how monotone she could be at times as though parts of her were incomplete. She never thought to ask because she didn't think she'd get any answers; now, however, she wonders if she should have tried reaching out.]
That poor girl...
[She's silent for a bit afterwards, not sure which direction to take the conversation – towards Geass or towards Jeremiah – but there's nothing she can do about the former here and she suspects that trying to dig deeper into that mess will only result in them both slipping into darker moods. A chance she doesn't really want to take while they're already peering into the abyss.]
Did I disappear? Did Kururugi? We're both from an earlier point in time than you are.
no subject
The silence they're left with is heavy, but not exactly uncomfortable. When Cornelia speaks again, he takes a moment longer still to reply.]
Not as far as I'm aware. [Sometimes he felt like being sequestered to rural France was the same as living under a rock, but they were both present at the wedding.] I admit, I actually hadn't thought of it that way.
[Doing so does lighten his expression, easing the knit of his brow, at least. The loops in time may not close themselves perfectly, but a gap no longer seems like an inevitability. Assuming he does ever escape this place, anyway.]
no subject
In before they learn that alternate realities are possible and they have to confront the whole "did we just create a new reality by coming here" issue.]Regardless of the truth, I'm sorry that you were taken from her. It's not easy.
[The words being alone might have completed that thought if she was a more open person, but instead she keeps that part of things to herself. But without Euphy, without Darlton, without Guilford, without Schneizel, without any of the people or the places or the systems within which she once found comfort, she is a little lost, too, and ill-equipped to figure out how to create a community among people who may be familiar but who aren't really a part of her world.]
no subject
Hopefully not, because y i k e s. Jerry might lose his head for real.There's a certain admission to weakness that keeps Jeremiah quiet, at first. He has every reason to do this for Anya's sake, and no matter what's occurring back home, he surely has to return to her at some point or another. But the urgency he feels, the stubborn fixation of his thoughts comes from more than that.]
No, it isn't. To be honest, no matter the situation, it... it is reassurance I think I need for myself just as much.
[Jeremiah simply misses her, terribly, horribly. His unwavering brand of devotion was never only reserved for the royal family, attached to a few members of his own, among which he now counts Anya, easily. Of course it pains him, even as his tone remains stiff for a topic this sensitive.]
Should this request succeed, I should hope that others can find peace of mind as well.
[Which may include Cornelia, but he's cautious to suggest it. No matter her demeanor, Jeremiah wouldn't think she doesn't have people she misses, but it's for similar reasons that he doesn't pry.]
no subject
And yet right now, she's really only thinking about the person she can't reach out to, the one who won't be there waiting for her, whose face she'll never see again, whose voice she'll never hear again, whose hugs and whose laughter and whose smile are already fading from her memory. She doesn't know whether to clear her mind of such thoughts or to cling to them until they're gone, too.]
What are we doing? Are we improving this mood or humouring it?
no subject
That's a good point. I suppose I've just had a lot on my mind.
[And admittedly, she's the safest confidant he has on a matter he's been avoiding but keenly needing perspective on. At least the thoughts are nothing new, not so raw that it drags him to a place he can't come out of.
Looking more pointedly around them, they've made their way further into the city than he'd thought, following by memory rather than counting the blocks.]
We aren't terribly far off, now.
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[Some moods, after all, are inescapable. Goodness knows they keep yo-yoing back into this one. And that's the problem. Like with so many of the circumstances she faces here, she is simply at a loss for what to do, for which paths to walk and which to avoid. Thus, she clarifies.]
We should chose one or the other and stick with it until it's run its course.
no subject
So he looks to her briefly, then to the road ahead.]
Which, I'm not sure I can say. I'd been hoping the initial change of scenery would help, but perhaps we won't know until we arrive.
[Bars can often be good mood-changers... and sometimes bad ones, too. At least it takes a pinch more misery and a lot more alcohol to turn him into something like a weepy drunk, so the chances might be looking up.]
no subject
[Not that they were delaying or stalling or anything of that sort, but would she really be a member of the imperial family if she didn't phrase things with a little extra dramatic flair? No. No she would not. It's genetic.]
no subject
The last few blocks pass without much fanfare. Once they reach the bar, Jeremiah steps forward to the door and opens it for her with a gesture, allowing himself at least this much.]
After you.